dumbiee's diary

yesterday was cold, windy, and overcast + rainy all day -- my favorite weather -- so i decided to start the sequel. it's REALLY cute, REALLY really cute. so far the new story is curious, but the new worldbuilding ( they introduced elves as pale blonde stoics who love archery? yawn ) has not impressed me. i'm not too far though, so we'll see! i can't imagine disliking it.

mostly though, i'm thinking about the pawns. namely how i still am unsure how they fit into ... like ... the storytelling ... like what do they Mean & what are they Saying, re: the ability to choose ... like the end of DDDA compared humans to pawns, in that they both follow the will of some more powerful being ( god / arisen ) but like idk. what does that even mean lol. are they just supposed to be like ... "training humans" in a way?? so that arisen can get used to commanding people?? idk. i can't tell if the game is stupid or i'm stupid

i will say though, i think you could make an interesting arguement for them being a metaphor for any condition that renders one "socially inept" -- personality disorders, autism, schizophrenia, anything that causes one's ability to interface with others to be fractured or troubled, specifically because the established social system makes them out to be freaks & outliers, rather than just ... different.
i'm thinking about how pawns "pretend" to be human but don't actually feel anything -- if you're depressed irl, you do this. and i'm thinking about how the pawns become their arisen over time -- if you're autistic, you mirror others without understanding how or why these behaviors make sense; you mask; you put on a front, but if you're required to go beyond the standard "how are you" "fine thank you" conversational 101 catchphrases, you likely flounder; all this to say, the pawns' only way to "be human" is to mirror a human, because they aren't whole on their own within the context of society / ~the metaphysical law of the land~. there's a certain synergy with how pawns feel some things but don't feel others, and how they're easily influenced by Their Special Person, and how they're generally scorned by others for being "creepy", that feels similar to how it feels to have any of these aforementioned conditions ... at least from my limited experiences.

i like sincerely do not know how to think of them from the developer's perspective, though. maybe i should go hunting for interviews & learn about their intentions with these characters ... ? for now, i will continue to delight in this world as a vehicle for my pre-existing OCs to go on a funny gay adventure together on & not take the plot too seriously n_n

after 1 million years, i finally beat cutest game ever dragon's dogma to it's true credits ... they even give you a little yearbook spread with your stats ... ( "pawns hired: 11" and "deaths: 50" were all in the dlc, by the way. that thing is nasty! )

now i can ACTUALLY play the sequel, whose stand alone character creator i've apparently played for 5.2 hours already? well. that's fine

it was a game that i think kind of sucks but has such a delightful spirit & intelligence in its design, i can't help but have been won over by it. i can write up my actual review of it too, now that it's all done, and talk more about that! hopefully i'll get the inspiration to do that soon.

it doesn't matter how much work i think i'm doing unlearning every avenue of self loathing i internalized as a kid, as soon as i hang out in a room with "normal" people, i am painfully reminded that i am indeed the most dumb, fat, ugly, autistic motherfucker who can't hold a job there. even if everyone is really kind, it's like impossible for me to not feel like such a horrible sore thumb in the middle of them all. i suppose this means that i haven't actually unlearned anything lol, even if i view these traits pretty neutrally in other people ...

it feels really juvenile to still be affected so heavily by these beliefs & insecurities. they make me feel so ill though. kind of since my doctor's appointment earlier this year, i've been really easily triggered & have been wallowing in in problems i thought i had moved on from years ago. i don't really know what to do about it ... but i need to figure something out. :( how do i sincerely stop feeling so badly around other people?

with artfight in full swing, my brain's been in oc-mode. i've been thinking about my profiles here on neocities & what i want to do with them.

having a little spot where i can just gush about them & be as descriptive as possible was the goal -- i think i've got a pretty good framework for that right now. but i've struggled to motivate myself to actually 1) fill out the profiles, and 2) upload everyone's bare-bones profile so you can at least look at it; for both these things, the reason i've hesitated is because there's some backend stuff about how the profiles work that i've been dissatisfied with.

they currently use iframes to separate each sub-section ( ie. "basic info", "summary", "preferences" etc. on the "about" page are all separate web pages ) so that when i go to edit each page, the html file isn't so massive & cluttered that it's difficult to work in -- this is the primary reason i didn't go with my initial plan, which was to make these anchor link pages. however, i've never been happy with the iframe solution ... it's not the best for accessibility & is apparently frowned upon by serious developers, and also, every time i edit one of the sub-sections, it shows up as a style-less page on my neocities feed lol. it feels clunky ( even if it's in a way i find kind of cute ... i think iframes are cute ... ) and it's holding me back from making any progress.

recently, though, i figured out how to write html in javascript ... and i was thinking i could just replace the iframe html pages with js files. this would still require a somewhat tedious overhaul of the oc pages i've got up, but it would get rid of my problems with the iframes & keep the backend tidy. right now all of my freetime is going to artfight, and i don't really have the arm & hand strength to mess around outside of that ... but once the month is over* i kind of want to try whipping this up & seeing if it'll work. there's some other aesthetic overhauls & changes i want to make to the oc pages, so it would be a good excuse to go through everyone's sites & get stuff done!

* watch me get too excited & start working on this anyway ...

it makes me miserable how far we've fallen in terms of evaluating prejudice in media. i feel like when i was a late teen, it was obvious that we had problems with racism & sexism in games ( all things, really, but i focus on this for now ) ... but now, if you try to mention anything at all, people are showing up in droves more passionate than ever to try & prove you wrong for notcing biases & damaging design choices.

as an example: i started watching a playthrough of expedition 33. a comment on one of the vidoes was someone noting how it made them feel kind of alienated that all of the women are smooth skinned, perfectly manicured, donned in makeup, with no blemishes beyond trendy moles -- which is true. all of the women are incredibly skinny & incredibly conventionally beautiful. there is very little diversity in facial features for them compared to the men, and you even have some of them showing skin ( and feet ... ) while all the men are dressed in full regalia. but that isn't even what the commenter was lamenting -- they were specifically sad that, because the cast is in their early 30's, none of them actually looked like they were 30 years old ( the commenter also being in their 30's ). they don't need to be craggy & bedraggled or anything, but a little effort put into allowing them to be People rather than Eye Candy would have been nice.

ALL of the replies to this person were trying to counter their point. "how do you know they don't have facial moisterizures?" "do you really want your video game characters to be ugly??" ( not what they said!!!! hmm!!!!! ) "actually there's one (1) woman with wrinkles so it's okay the rest of the cast doesn't have wrinkles" "asian women don't age as much so why should [asian character] have wrinkles" ( ?????? HELLO???????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!! ) none of these are exaggerations either ... these are just ... literally what people were saying ... and this poor commenter has like the most replies of any other comment on the video ...

i just feel crazy. wasn't it just a few years ago that we all recognized that there was a massive sexism problem in video games? AND a racism problem? and people are STILL acting like this ... ? they feel so offended by someone being kind of upset in the comments section of a small ( and very culturally-conscious ) youtuber's letsplay about a known issue, that they have to complain & make sure the commenter knows they're an idiot for ever feeling that way??

and this is ALL over the place. all over. you talk about the orientalism in mario kart or monster hunter from this year & people are crawling out of every hole they can to prove you don't know what you're talking about & that you're just trying to garner attention / complain. you try to talk about infantilization & objectification & sexualization & other trends in media that otherwise serve to oppress women & you're told it's just fiction, it's not that serious. it makes me so depressed.

i've always been heated about this stuff, but it felt like for a few years there i didn't have to get so pissed about it, because it felt like the general consensus was, like, yeah. there's an issue. but now it feels like a struggle to get people to even start having these conversations ... or not even having a conversation, just getting them familiarized with the concept that Media Portrays Prejudiced Biases By The People Who Made It.

all this to say, i feel like i've been more angry about this stuff & i'm becoming less & less tolerant to "grey area"-type considerations. like no, i'm not going to give your awesome heartfelt immaculately researched story the benefit of the doubt when you include incredibly dated racist character tropes for no purpose beyond laziness. i'm not going to play your 10/10 jaw-dropping action game when your protagonist's design is unbelievably misogynistic with a shrivled, tenuous Lore Reason for why she has her whole ass out. if you're alienating your viewers, players, etc. to this specific point -- a point where, because of your sexist / racist design choices, they not only don't see themselves in your work, but actively feel like they're being ignored, made fun of, or attacked -- then i don't want to fucking give you a chance. there's plenty of other awesome stories out there that actually think about their design choices beyond offensive tropes ...

checking out nightreign. just watching, not playing. it feels very strange ... it reminds me of dark souls 2, in that it's approaching a familiar world in a weird way. in ds2's case, i think it outclassed its predecessor in terms of story ( gameplay debateable ) and for me, that helped me overcome any hurdles re: expectation. in nightreign's case ... i'm not sure what to think yet.

obviously it just came out, so there's not much to be said yet. but ... yeah. it's strange. the storytelling is much more explicit than in elden ring proper, which for me is kind of a downgrade? it's cute, but i really like the archeologic nature of these games, especially considering how your characters are typically outsiders. feels very immersive & engaging to piece things together. here, you're kind of just reading a blurb of mediocre prose & if you're lucky, going on a fun quest to expound upon it. i'll wait to really judge until i see more of these story beats, though! it's just here in the first ~10 hours, they're kind of Meh feeling in comparison to the base game.

but i'm kinda into some of the characters. there's a familiar air of melancholy & bittersweetness, so i am pleased ... don't love the 3 female characters' designs, though? duchess feels not particularly creative, while the ghostly woman & the mage woman are ... like ... idk ... like maybe too indulgent on miyazaki & co's parts lol. they're leagues better than industry standards, so i can't be that mad. it's just like ... where's the beefcakes!!! where's the crazed knight girls!!! where's the big beasty women?!? maybe they'll introduce more later. i'm counting on you, fromsoft ... ( the characters are all very cool though, minor gripes aside )

and ofc i need to talk about the main gameplay loop ... which has grown on me over time, but is still really uninteresting to me. if they had put a different skin on this & made it its own thing, it would have probably felt better to me? i'm just way too familiar with elden ring & seeing all these items & enemies all out of place like this feels weird lol. i just can't get over it. i know the point was to make this a scrappy project though ( for a triple-A studio ) so ... idk. it feels like they're doing a lot with what they've got. i just personally like, 1) don't enjoy multiplayer with strangers, and 2) if i'm going to play elden ring, i would much rather prefer going slow & thoughtfully, over blazing my way through the world without being able to stop & splor & shit. it just feels ... too weird!!!! it's just too weird for me!!!!!!!

but it's cool they're branching out ... i guess ... this + duskbloods coming out soon really has filled me with doomer dread over the direction my precious skrunkly game developers are going, but like. idk. as long as they continue making narratively interesting, mechanically interesting, SINGLE-PLAYER GAMES, i'll be happy.

i started playing monster hunter wilds -- my first monhun, although i've seen gameplay from previous games so it's not entirely new to me. the controls and excessive UI have been a real hindrence for me, though ... it's actually kind of painful to play, it triggers my nerve pain pretty easily lol. but it's cool!

i keep laughing about the plot in it, though ... it's nice that it's trying to be conscious about humanity's place in nature, but like at the end of the day, a game called "monster hunter" is not really going to be fronting honest conservation discussions

which is fine, fwiw. it doesn't really need to go all the way with it, and it's kind of doing as much as it can given the premise of the franchise lol. it's just humorous to me how like ... idealistic it is, while simultaneously still indulging in the pleasure & glory of killing big violent contrived threats

like as an example, you'll get quests from npcs asking you to kill a monster that has become a danger to humans, and once you do, they'll lament that you had to do it -- "we need to learn to live with the monsters so we dont have to hunt them ever again", "if we were careful we wouldn't have enraged it to that point and had to have it killed", etc ... and to an extent, like, this is true for real life: if a wild predator gets a taste for human blood, it will need to be put down, because if it doesn't, it will start deliberately hunting people ( eg. cougars / mountain lions ) over its natural prey. and this theoretically could have been avoided if the animal had never interacted with a human in the first place. but it's like ... in monster hunter, you can just go & kill that thing whenever the hell you want. the game has someone give you "authorization" to kill like they're doing a moral judgement call on whether or not it's appropriate for you to take down a population of predators for extremely petty reasons ( like using parts to forge armor / weapons ) so you don't feel bad about it, but at the end of the day, you are kind of just killing for the sake of it. and your character's livelihood & the existence of their organization hinges on the contiuation of monster killing -- they'll research the hell out of new ways to efficiently kill monsters, but they'll also tell everyone that the last thing they want to do is kill monsters. if i want to be obnoxiously real & unfavorable about it, it feels almost militaristic in how manipulative it can feel.

like, if the game is trying this hard to be a story about ecology & balance, i feel like it's kind of appropriate to critique how the very concept of the game goes against that messaging hahah. even if it's lighthearted & silly, i can't help but linger on how shallow the plot feels in that light. it isn't even really a proper criticism, honestly ... like i did not go into this game thinking it would be saying something profound about nature; in fact, i like that a massively popular triple-A game is even bringing light to conservation & ecology like this. it's just like ... being really safe about it, you know. which can feel annoying if you're passionate or otherwise involved in the subject being talked about

but like i said, it's fun & i'm having fun. i'm not taking it too seriously, but also i can't help but think about it. you know how it is

i wonder if this post shouldn't have been reserved for my game journal entry about mhw ... ? ah well

well & i finished up witch from mercury the other day. it was alright! the last ~10 episodes is where i actually started to get invested; before that, i was kind of seesawing between enjoyment & annoyance at some of the ( at the time ) petty school stuff.

my main gripe with the show is the pacing ... i just feel like we didn't get enough time with certain characters or relationships to really make an impact. if the show just had a few more episodes, i think i would have liked it more. but i didn't dislike it, and i honestly can't be mad at a show with a cast THIS diverse. it is a seriously incredible line-up of characters, visually speaking, and i'm so happy so many fat characters were treated as star players in the story. of course, not the main characters ... they still need to be petit & desirable ... but it's so, like, relaxing to see such creativity in the designs overall hahah.

the end was cute too ... not really what i was expecting? but it was cute. like i just said, i feel like everything had to wrap up way too fast there ... there were just so may plot points & character arcs & shit. it was awesome seeing suletta using a cane, though ... like i also just said, the diversity & mindfulness of the show is just so good ... it really made this thing feel like an earnestly fleshed out world, despite how hammy or unrealistic it could be.

onto our next show, though! we'll be rewatching nichijou in preparation for city this summer ... looking forward to it, this is one of the first anime i remember really falling in love with. :~)

finally finished shadows of the erdtree. it was very good. i thought the fights were interesting & intense, but once i "got" how to approach them ( i'd say this was the rellana fight, for me ) everything opened up to me & felt great to play. worldbuilding was really great too, of course ... but obviously i want to use this thing to talk about the ending!!

as i wrote a few days ago, i was unclear why exactly we were forced to be pitted against miquella. i understood that he was manipulative & disrespectful of others who stood in his way, and that the narrative was gunning on us seeing that as reason enough to not side with him ... but ... i was just never convinced. like the dungeater or frenzied flame endings are fine, but miquella's is too much? ranni also killed a fellow demigod in an unprecedentedly cruel fashion. so like ... what gives?

after beating the boss, and getting that subtle little ending scene, i was left like ... feeling really empty. it felt so inconclusive; i wanted to see just a little more. i went to the finger reader & read over the descriptions for all the prizes you get for beating that fight. and after thinking about it for a while ... i am of two minds.

on one hand ... it's remarkably punctual & beautiful. both phases of the final boss were VERY reminiscent of fighting radahn from the base game; this essentially meant that the culmination of the dlc was just a boss you had already seen before, but kind of remixed. as well, as soon as you start the npc fight prior to the radahnquella one, you don't learn anything you don't already know past that point -- none of their equipments or dialogues reveal anything that you couldn't figure out from the rest of the dlc thus far. this is all meaningful, because an interpretation you can take on the dlc is this: if you want miquella to succeed in his quest, don't fight him. don't stop him. it's similar to moon rpg's story, where if you want the good ending, you need to put the game down -- because your role in the game, by design, is one of violence. and in this light, i felt like the ending was ... satisfying. it was unbelievably sad feeling, but if i think about it this way, i feel like, there was something being said & i was affected by it. it felt good. in a bad way.

on another hand ... that doesn't justify why the player wasn't given the option to pick an ending with miquella / why we were forced to oppose him. so as interesting as it is, i don't think that's the "correct" way to read the end. i think what was actually going on, is that miquella is just a character fated for tragedy, and that's all it is. like, he's so wrapped up in his vision of the future that he becomes blind to the people he once wanted to protect. he studied magic & science so he could cure malenia, now he's left her for dead after using her to get a message to radahn; he purged disease & promised hope to people born into oppression, then turns & uses these vulnerable people as meat shields for his ascension; there's so many textual examples of him both caring deeply for people, and also manipulating people to do his bidding, and i sincerely don't believe he is acting nefariously -- or rather, i believe that he doesn't see what he's doing as cruel ( ansbach even says as much when speaking about mohg's corpse ) -- he's just so focused on reaching his goal that "some" casualties in the wake of it won't matter.

his vision was good, but his methods were not. and in the same vein as him being too absorbed to listen, i don't think he would be willing to accept the tarnished as his lord -- he decided early on that he wanted radahn, because HE decided radahn was kind ( and i don't think anything in the game implies that radahn agreed to this or even KNEW miquella wanted to do this!!! ). in the end, he was just like marika, using coercion & violence to get to his goal -- even his choice in consort mirrors hers, what with radahn admiring godfrey to the point of trying to act like him; miquella even drapes himself onto radahn like serosh on godfrey, it's insane. it feels clearly like he's supposed to be continuing the cycle of suffering started by marika, just under a different paint of coat.

but more than micky's methods being wicked, it's the end goal that i think was null. he "became a god", whatever that means, and he was just steps away from "enacting" his vision of the future, whatever THAT means. i think the different between him and ranni, despite both tossing their great runes & going to great lengths to severe themselves from the greater will, is that ranni's place in the universe is to be a "distant" one -- she wanted to keep divinity & mortality separate. and i suppose an interpretation of this vision, is that she is to exude little if any influence on the nature of mankind, whereas miquella wanted to force everyone into complacency as a means of avoiding suffering. in that sense, you can read him as almost ... naive? like the siren song of pacifism in real life is that you can't be non-violent when your oppressors won't meet you on the same footing; you can't just choose peace when the system is rigged against you.

and i suppose miquella functionally removing choice from the equation is inherently evil. idk. he's like repping the coexit bumper stickers, but instead of sincerely coexisting, everyone just needs to Believe In Miquella Forever. again, i think his heart was in the right place, but logistically, he like, forgot what makes people, people, and so his order was doomed from the start.

i will say ... i didn't finish two quest lines -- st trina / thollier, and the hornsent. i messed both of them up, and either could honestly reveal more info to recontextualize the end. soooooooo ... i'm deciding whether or not to just read shit online or if i'm going to pony up & do a whole nother fuckin playthrough just to learn ... lol ... but in any case, i kind of want to comb over the lore & make sure i see everything. because even now, i still feel like my interpretation of the end isn't right gsgdfgsfgsd

anyway, all this musing just to try & justify why i, as an art enjoyer, thought the ending was apt & thematic & appropriate, but i, as a player, feel disappointed that i couldn't at least decide for myself if i wanted to help miquella establish a new order. i suppose that's inline with his vision of No Choice, on a meta level?

... as kind of a tangential sidenote, i found the final boss to be adequately challenging, but not nearly as oppressive & evil as i had been told it would be. i was apparently even underleveld, both in basic level as well as dlc level; i'm saying this less to brag, and more to express my annoyance at how unwilling people are to stop & think & engage with these games on their terms. the entirety of elden ring has been subverting souls players' expectations on how to read bosses ... why wouldn't the dlc also be about that ... just relax & try 2 see what your goal is bro ........ i'm like so irritated by the player base's obsession with both bitching about how poorly balanced the fights are, and also completely shaming anyone who chooses to go about them in "cheap" ways or otherwise play in a way they don't see as "correct" ( read: there are no cheap ways to play a game if the game has been both designed with these mechanics in mind & also you're playing to have fun -_- ) but then not bothering to try & play the game, like, as it is. you know what i mean. like it pigs me off because these games are soooooo vast & fun, but you just like. can't talk to anyone about them without busting a blood vessel lol. i'm probably also an insufferable fan, but like idk. where are all the homies that don't scream & yell & get mad & like to approach these like they're fun puzzles instead of dick measuring contests ... idk ... kicks my pretentious little pebble & wallows

made progress in shadows of the erdtree today after a long hiatus ( just due to pain ). i got all the way to the final boss I ASSUME...... omggg....

like i'll talk more once i actually beat it, since i think i'm missing kind of a critical piece of the puzzle here, but the story is making me crazy. ok. as you know the character i'm playing through it with is a miquella fanboy; i made him before the dlc was even announced, so i've felt like disturbingly catered to through this whole thing. it's been soooooo goddamn fun, i love every boss & world & piece of the narrative i've found. but i have one gripe. which is.

why can you not ally yourself with miquella ...

like every other npc who has some sway over the nature of the universe ( ranni, fia, dungeater, etc ) all let you pick & choose what you wanted to do & whose ideas you agreed with. like literally the entire dlc i've been on Team Micky, all the way up until the penultimate fight with the various NPCs you met. and it was just like ... why do i have to oppose miquella ... i think it's right of him to want to completely destroy this thing from the ground up ... he's so disturbed by his own place within the greater will's conquest that he tears himself apart on a metaphysical level, just to try to beat this thing at its own game. i've always thought that ranni's ending was deceptive in its hope -- she's just doing the same thing as marika did, but using a different god; who is to say that her world will end up any different?

anyway, that's why i'm kind of biting my lip & holding out until the boss is done for. i assume i'll get some piece of info that will clarify to me why we aren't allowed to side with miquella, why his plan could not involve us ...

also of course i need to mention. fucking well had me get "caught" by the boss where micky kisses you to try & sway you to his side. she had me do it twice & the resulting "heart stolen" death scene had me screaming & clapping in glee, it was soooooooo. SOOOOOOOOOO good. it's completely in character for poor iowerth ... until i beat the dlc & think about a logical conclusion to his arc, since rn i'm kind of. confused. perhaps. since i was assuming we'd be able to side with micky in the end lmfao, OR we'd get a really clear reason to not be in support of him by this point. like he's definitely doing some wicked shit, but i'm ultimately still in favor of his vision for the world ( one without outer gods? )

so that's where i'm at. final boss isn't feeling too hard, i'm reeeeally excited to learn more, but i'm so god damn sad to see this ending. i love elden ring so much, and this dlc was just ... so fun & good ... getting new elden ring was so healing, i've felt so giddy the whole time i've been playing ... most noteworthy moments for me have been fighting the flower beast at the base of the scadutree, visiting marika's village, and of course, this entire ending moment with all the npcs & miquella.

aaaauauuuuuuu ... it's making me want to draw stupid shit..... aaahhhhhhh!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

finished up my second session of our fire emblem ttrpg today. it went well, but it was an rp heavy one ... so i had to talk a lot. i'm playing a charismatic character, but irl i flounder soooo hard talking & riffing off of people lol ... so some of the conversations i had with other characters felt really stilted, which i felt awful about, but i'm trying not to be too bummed about it.

mostly, i'm just TIRED. i don't have a social battery hahahah, so even these sparse sessions competely drain me ... but they're good for me ... i hope i don't frustrate or annoy my party members too much, i still don't know some of them very well so i don't know how to read them.

we ( me & the gm ) had been planning on revealing The Truth about my character ( that she's fibbing about her identity ) but things took too long & we didn't get to the moment we had picked for it. so i'm still stressed out about that!!! like will having more time to prep for that be good for me ... ? probably not ...

well & i finished our daily anime, which was princess tutu. it was good ... she described the structure of the story ( in terms of its excellence ) as being a "W" shape, which i completely agree with: strong start, strong middle, strong end, less impactful / interesting inbetweens. none of it was bad, but there were clear highlights in the narrative for me, all of which involved the greater narrative of reconciling living in a fairy tale & none of which involving the "monster of the week" type stuff, hahah.
i think using ballet as the vehicle for a story about stories was really smart, given ballet / dance in general is both highly interpretive & typically very dramatic. it's a nice story about living earnestly & in the present, and the use of theatrical lighting, music, and acting to highlight when drosselmeyer's influence is strongest was really well executed & made for a very distinct, fascinating feel.
there's stuff about it i don't like ... like the horrid bit with the dancers' teacher wanting to marry them ... but overall i thought it was fun. it suuuuuure feels like a show from the 2000's though. lol

anyway ... we've started witch from mercury as our next show! currently 2 episodes in ( prologue + first "real" ep ). i've been kind of craving sci-fi for a while lately, so i'm looking forward to it. :^) in my usual pettiness, i don't really ... like the main characters ... so my actual interest is kind of on the fence lol; but i think with more episodes i'll come around on it, because despite not liking them on a purely surface level ( personalities & designs are not my favorite ), i can already tell the substance of suletta & miorine's plots is good.
it seems like a well-composed story, albeit kind of heavy-handed at the moment. but it's not in a way that feels TOO heavy-handed ... it's just not pulling any punches with what it wants to say. it's actually striking a very delicate balance for me. so ... i like it?!

wow. months later & here we are -- my actual first post.

i need to bemoan the nintendy direct for the switch 2 ... it has left me feeling so grim. my opinion on it is like. i feel the prices of the console & the games are "fair", in that the materials & labor required to make these things have been downplayed for some time & it's a miracle we've been buying games for as "cheap" as we have been. like, people complain about games being regularly 60USD these days, but games have been that expensive since the 90's. they should have been more expensive years ago. but ...
at the same time, for the entire year i have seen nonstop posts about game devs being let go for cost-cutting measures. it has felt absolutely dire. nintendo keeps things under wraps, but they are no doubt following industry trends here ... so like, if it's not going towards fucking labor, where the hell are these inflated prices going to?? the answer is obvious, of course, but it's just like ... i don't know. it's so depressing.
who can afford to consistently buy games at that cost? is it really sustainable? do companies care?
also need to complain about the DRM shit nintendo is pulling, too. and how the instructional demo for the console ... costs an extra 10USD ... and how there is proprietary material out already, when there is only 1 new game for the console on release ... and how depressingly soulless the UI remains ...

the triple-A scene is just a mess right now. people have faith in indie scenes, but indie scenes can only flourish if people have time & money to make games ... if people want to have a career in making them, there is no hope. idk. we're just in a weird spot.

anyway. one final complaint i have is also about duskbloods. nothing new being said here, but 1) hilarious that fromsoft has made another IP console-exclusive, AND that it is very heavily derivative of bloodborne; 2) unbelievably miserable that this is the second "new" game they're releasing within a year that is mandatory online, and fucking battle royale PvPvE dredge to boot; 3) that they have made a console exclusive MMO game with a company who is NOTORIOUS FOR NOT SUPPORTING THEIR ONLINE SYSTEMS. every single nintendo online production has been squashed & destroyed within years of launch. this is such a poor fucking move on fromsoft's part, it is just ... so ... UGH!!!
in miyazaki's interview with nintendy, he did say that FS was still committed to making ~single-player experiences~ but it is really disheartening that they're stooping to this level. like, it's not like the game will be unfun or bad, nor that multiplayer games are bad inherently ... it's just that EVERYONE is making online multiplayer shit like this, and fromsoft was such a beacon of hope in an industry that was heavily pushing towards Games As Service As Standard, because it's the best way to milk money off of your player base ... it's just sad, you know. i don't know. it's just sad.

well, we'll see as time goes on. new mario kart looks cute i guess ...

here begins my posting journey! joy.

for sure expect this layout to grow with time. for now, i move on.